If You are Being Abusive or Violent
Seeking help can be the first step to stopping abuse. If your behaviour fits any of these patterns there is help available in Devon before the situation gets out of hand. Your whole lifestyle, and that of your family and friends, could be in jeopardy if you don’t change your behaviour.
Domestic abuse is any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.
Domestic abuse is rarely a one-off incident and is a pattern of abusive and controlling behaviour through which the abuser seeks power over their victim. It occurs across the whole of society, regardless of age, gender, race, sexuality, disability, religion, class, or lifestyle and income. Crimes committed in the name of ‘honour’, forced marriage and female genital mutilation are also considered acts of domestic abuse.
Mental and/or Emotional Abuse
Do you criticise the way your partner looks? Domestic abuse often starts off small, with lots of different events that gradually chip away or erode the victim’s confidence. If you are being mentally or emotionally abusive, you might be: using language designed to humiliate, blame intimidate and threaten.
Do you control your victims ability to contact with family and friends? Do you stop or monitor your victim’s phone calls? Do you stalk your victim in person, via phone calls, emails or text messages?
Do you blame your victim for causing the abuse? Lie to your victim? Ignore your victim? Undermine or confuse your victim? Tell your victim that they are losing their mind?
Have you built up debt in your victim’s name or refused to pay bills? Are you stealing money from your victim? Do you limit or prevent your victim from having access to money? Do you prevent your victim from working? Have you threatened to report to your victim to the Benefits Agency or other authorities? Are you forcing your victim to earn money for you and/or another person?
You may be asking your victim to do things in return for meeting their basic needs and requirements. Whether in a relationship or not, if someone does not want to have sex, they do not have to. If you are forcing someone against their will, you are being abusive.
Some forms of sexual abuse can include: rape, degrading treatment, sexual name-calling, forcing someone to take part in or look at pornographic images, or forcing someone to have sexual relationships with other people or to prostitute themselves.
You may be directing violence and physical abuse at your victim, or at their family, friends or pets. Are you hitting / punching / kicking / shoving; Strangling; making angry or physical threats; forcing someone to use drugs and / or alcohol; depriving someone of sleep; or hurting a pet?
- Your abuse could escalate
- Your relationship could break down
- Your family could break down
- You could lose the right to see your children
- You could be evicted from your home
- If you commit an offence, you could go to prison
Devon Domestic Repair – Resolved to End the Perpetration of Abuse in Relationships
Repair is a programme run in Devon to help men understand their abusive behaviour, understand how it affects their partner and children, and take responsibility for stopping their abuse. Repair aims to help men to learn respectful behaviour within an intimate relationship. If you want to actively change your behaviour, then contact Devon Domestic Violence Support Services (SPLITZ Support Services) about the REPAIR program.
Tel: 0345 155 1074
Visit the SPLITZ website for further information.
The Respect Phoneline is a confidential helpline for domestic violence perpetrators (male, female, in heterosexual or same-sex relationships) to help stop their violence and change their abusive behaviours.
Tel: 0808 802 4040
(Monday – Friday 9am-5pm)
If you are a male victim of domestic violence and abuse the Mens Advice Line can offer support and advice.
Visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk or call 0808 801 0327 for more information.